Meaning of Life
There a God?
of Christ
Catholic Faith

Everyday Living Help

Question 1: I'm so lonely, and I try so hard to make things right, but I canít do it. I canít find one example in my whole life of the type of love in a marriage I want to find. I mean more than cuddling and whatnot, I mean finding someone who cares about me as I care about them. One day at a time, I realize my dreams are not going to come true. Even when Iím at a party with friends, I feel alone. [From a young man in college.]

You are not going through anything that the vast majority of people have not been through. All our difficulties stem from the fact that we are locked into one body, in one particular place, at one particular time. It is like being in prison. Were we really created to spend our entire lives, perhaps an eternity like this?

Of course not. This is, in fact, a powerful argument for the existence of God, and offers a deep insight into what is in store for us in the next life.

Fortunately, this life offers a way out of our prison also. The natural order is to find one other person with whom we can share everything, one man and one woman. That is all we need. One other, one soul mate. Not just to have someone to sleep with, or to cook for us, but to truly become one instead of two. We instinctively know that all by ourselves we are incomplete.

So the problem becomes: how do you find her, the one for you, and then how do you keep her? Plus we have to deal with the nagging doubt, what if there isnít anyone for me? What if no one finds me attractive enough?

First, there is not just someone for everyone, as the old saying goes: there are millions of people for everyone. Physical attractiveness is fine, and will broaden your prospective pool of soul mates. By all means make yourself as attractive as possible. Work out, clear up your complexion (see our article on acne), lose that roll of fat; in general, make a big effort. The better you look, the better your selection.

But how good she looks is not most important. In fact, you donít want anyone who thinks of herself as "glamorous." Of course, there are very pretty girls who are wonderful people, just be careful. Other guys who are very good looking themselves will always be after them.

So look for someone who is unspoiled. A nice person. A good person. Caring, sensitive, about as intelligent as you are, someone who shares your hopes and dreams of what kind of life the two of you should live. Someone who is comfortable to be with. Someone who doesnít mind doing the laundry with you, as long as itís with you. This is a guarantee of happiness.

  • Where do you find someone like this? Everywhere. Chances are you see her every day right now. You overlook her because she is plain looking, and shy. She isnít Ēpopular,Ē and lives in her own little world. Maybe she has freckles and buck teeth and wears glasses. She doesnít think she is attractive, but when you get to know her, you will think that she is the most beautiful person in the world, and you will adore every freckle. Maybe she goes to the school library. Maybe she goes to the same Laundromat, or the same grocery store. But she is there. You have to find her, you have to initiate things! You canít be shy about this, you have to approach a lot of girls, and not be afraid of rejection. Because you are going to be rejected by all the ones that are not the one right one. And isnít that what you want? How many matches do you need? Only one. She is waiting for you to find her right now, and will be just as lonely as you are until you do.

  • And if you think you have found her, treat her like a queen. Hold doors for her, bring her flowers all the time, do what she likes doing, be cheerful and pleasant around her even if you are in a bad mood. Never raise your voice or your hand against her. Buy her little gifts, silly things, unexpected things. Devote your life to making her happy. Make her always feel beautiful and special. Tell her so a thousand times. Then I guarantee that you will be an incredibly happy guy yourself.

    Addendum for Girls and Women: You are worse than guys about making good looks the most important quality of a potential mate. This is dangerous, and you should proceed cautiously, bearing in mind that guys have a natural instinct to mate with many different women, and the cute guys have a way to do it. Try to find a guy like the one who wrote the letter above. They are out there, but they are probably too shy to make the first move. Even though it's against your nature, be somewhat aggressive and make initial contact. And don't look in bars. He won't be there.

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    Question 2: I delivered my beautiful son on 7/7/03. Since returning to work, I have been feeling so sad. I feel like he is more attached to my baby sitter than to me. I find myself crying over this a lot. Is there any advise you can give me? My doctor said I was suffering from post-partum depression and put me on some medication. I don't believe it's working, and I am getting so discouraged.

    Iíll give you some advice, but youíre not going to like it. Leave your job until your child, and all your children, are in school.

    This may be difficult for you to do financially, but there are more important things in the world than money. The most important thing in your world right now is your son. Nothing else comes even close. Certainly not the size house you live in or the make of car you drive or where you go on vacation or how many times you go to restaurants or movies. None of that means anything at all to your beautiful baby. But you mean everything to him, and he deserves to have you with him 24 hours a day.

    Think you canít afford to stop working? Chances are you can, even if it means taking a big cut in lifestyle. It comes down to this: would you rather be poor and happy, enjoying the love of your children all day, or is that cell phone and video recorder and new car and weekly carton of cigarettes and new dress and everything else that you think is indispensable just impossible to give up? Itís up to you to put human values first.

    This doesnít mean you canít have a career. Careers can be great. But your children are young for so short a time, an agonizingly short time once itís gone, that you can have a long, satisfying career and be a stay at home mother too, just not at the same time.

    Years ago, almost all mothers stayed home and took care of their kids. In the 1950ís, a working mother was looked down on as someone who didnít care about her family. Cartoons in the paper made fun of Russian women, who worked in factories and left their children at government day care centers. How could the Commies be so heartless?

    Then our own government started financing the modern welfare state, where everybody is ďentitledĒ to vast amounts of taxpayer money. Inflation roared. One income was no longer able to provide the same standard of living for a household as it used to. Our government had two choices: either admit that the true costs of the Great Society meant a much lower standard of living for everyone, or somehow arrange for households to have not one, but two incomes: in other words, send the women to work.

    They found a ready ally in the womenís movement. Through Hollywood and TV, they managed to spread enough propaganda to not only make working mothers accepted in society, but required. According to the gospel of Hollywood, if a woman doesnít work outside the home, something must be wrong with her. All her friends have the duty to find the poor woman a job.

    This is absolute nonsense. A womanís highest vocation is to be a good mother to her children. That means nurturing them while they are young; loving and caring for them, and teaching them. It is time that the mothers of America woke up and revolted against the brainwashing of the last 40 years.

    Question 3: I'm a single parent and Iíve been looking for work and trying to feed my family, but I never get past the interview. What am I doing wrong?

    For job interviews, be sure you look smashing! Nice clothes, fresh hair-do, big big smile, easy laughter, twinkle in the eye, white teeth, super friendly attitude, head held high and look them straight in the eye. Big smile!! Donít ever let on that you are desperate. Go in with the attitude that you will be doing them a favor by working there. Be ready to explain to them how you can benefit the company with your skills, your super friendly way with people, and your do-whatever-it-takes to-get-the job-done work ethic. Good luck!

    Question 4: We don't really want to move out of our house, but we're getting older and it's a lot of work to keep up. Any suggestions?

    Donít move out of your big house when you get older! Most folks figure that after the kids are gone and they themselves arenít as active, that they donít need a large house anymore.

    This is almost always a mistake. We have a very powerful emotional attachment to a house that we shared with our spouse and kids. Neighborhood friends are hard to leave. And just being in familiar surroundings is essential for happiness. You may crave new adventures and new sights, but these should come in chunks, as vacations, while you always have old faithful home to come back to.

    If itís just too much trouble to keep it up, what with mowing and repairing and cleaning, consider this: advertise for a young family just starting out to share the home with you. You might even be lucky enough to have a relative who fills the bill! Give them free rent and they can use the bedrooms that are sitting empty. The wife can share cooking duties, or let her do all of it if you prefer: itís nice to have a cook. Let them keep up the house, doing all the work you used to do. After you become unable to do shopping on your own, they can do it for you. The nicer the house, the more you can expect in the way of care as you get older. This may even spare you the horrible fate of ending up in a rest home.

    But the best part of an arrangement like this is that you will have small children in the house again. They are a blessing, if you let them be. They will keep you young. You will have a real Christmas again, and a real Halloween. And real birthday parties. There is nothing more depressing than a big quiet house, and nothing more soul satisfying than a house full of noisy children. And babysitting, while a big favor for them, will be like a wonderful time machine for you, taking you back many decades.

    Itís a good deal for all.

    Here is a letter from a reader concerning this idea:

    "I almost cried when I read your answer! My favorite Uncle, a widower who outlived his only child, found himself in that situation. He lived too far away to be taken care of by any of our family and he did exactly what you suggested -- a young couple with a two-year old moved in and made his last years very, very cheerful. He lived to be 96 with a very sound mind. I am so grateful to this family that I have made it my duty to keep in touch with them. It was a Win-Win for 4 Generations!!"

    Question 5: I met a man on the internet who said he was a minister. I thought he was perfect, but it was a great shock to find out he has four wives and 5 grandchildren! I don't think relationships are for me.

    Please remember that on the internet, people are never what they say they are. Most people in chat rooms are either young kids pretending to be successful adults, or old people pretending to be young. It is a big game, and that is all. You should never for one second have believed that this person was a minister.

    It is also a dangerous game. Many people on the internet are out to take advantage of you in some way. They usually want your money. Beware of anyone who wants your telephone number. And of course you know that with Caller ID, when you call anyone, that is the same as giving them your number! And once they have your phone number, they can easily find our exactly where you live, and a lot of other things.

    People you meet on the internet are never to be thought of as real. If you want to have a fantasy talk, then by all means do so, it can be fun. You can tell the truth, but you can also be a rich engineer or a nineteen year old supermodel or an astronaut! And so can they! Bear in mind that everything that they are telling you is just make-believe!! Everyone is supposed to know that, and no one is ever supposed to ask for phone numbers or addresses. That is a no-no. If they do, do not ever write to them again.

    Meet real people at church functions. You can go to many churches and attend many social events and carnivals and meetings. You might also learn to play cards, like bridge, and go to clubs and centers that have bridge games. You can meet a lot of nice people that way. You can even just strike up conversations with people at a neighborhood grocery store.

    Don't be shy, be friendly. A big smile and cheery hello go a long way. Real friendships are nice, don't give up on them.

    Question 6: I meant to do so many things in life that just didn't happen. Where did I go wrong?

    The most important word in the language is "now." It is a terrible mistake to think that we can put things off until a better time. Should we go back to college now, or wait while we earn more money? Now. Should we start having a family now, or wait to have kids until we establish our career? Now. Should we start on a regular exercise or diet now, or put it off just a little longer, until after the holidays, until it gets warmer, until our cold goes away, until school lets out, until hell freezes over? Well, it might as well be that last one, because when we put anything off at all, for any reason, we wake up the next week and guess what? It only seems like a week, it is now 20 years later and it's too late to do it.

    Make yourself a big cardboard sign with the single word NOW on it and hang it up where you can see it every day.

    The good news is that many things that seem too late to do really aren't. They may be more difficult, but there is almost always a way. But you must start on them (guess when!)

    When we are young, life seems so long! It stretches out in front of us forever, and it seems like there is always going to be time for everything. So we let things slide.

    Then we blink, and life is almost over.

    Question 7: I was emotionally abused as a child and adult by my parents. . They have been nasty to my husband and out-of-touch with their grandchildren. I cut all ties, and they never tried to contact me. Everyone says I did the right thing, but the commandment "Honor thy mother and thy father" still haunts me. But how can I?

    There are a lot of people who should never be parents. But God allows them to be anyway, and commands the children to honor them.

    You are now mature enough to forgive them for everything. You must do this, not for their sake, but for your own. You cannot be truly happy until you do. This means being nice to them even if they continue to be mean to you. You have to keep telling yourself that this is what God wants, and you are not going to question Him.

    Do not cut ties to them. I cannot imagine a Christian counselor advocating this. Let them know that they are welcome in your house anytime. Be pleasant and cheerful, and do not be drawn into arguments even when they are being obstinate and awful. The best response to that is to go up to mom or dad and just say "I love you" and follow it with a quick kiss on the cheek. They will be flabbergasted, I guarantee you. And you will feel great, even it they react badly.

    They are your parents, and underneath it all you really do love them. Honor and love them now. Soon it will be too late.

    Question 8: My son is 10 and says he doesn't believe there is a god because "God doesn't answer" his prayers and "everything is so bad" in his life. I am a divorced mother with a very bitter ex-husband. Can you recommend some reading for my son?

    From your letter, a simple intellectual answer is not what he is seeking, nor would it do any good. When bad things happen, God is almost always the one blamed.

    In this case, your son knows very well who is really to blame. The responsibility falls squarely on the shoulders of you and your ex-husband, who we presume is the boy's father. The boy loves you both very much, and when he sees you fighting he is torn apart. He cannot choose sides. This is destroying him. Unable to put the blame on either or both of you, because he loves both of you so much, he turns to God to blame.

    Your son's life can only be turned around by those who are to blame for his suffering, not God. Both of you have to accept responsibility for this boy whom you have brought into the world. For his sake you have to stop fighting, and do everything you can to help each other. If your ex is unwilling to do this, you must get a court order restraining him from ever seeing the child or you. Or, move away if possible.

    Show your ex the letter you wrote to us and our reply. Maybe he does not realize that he is driving his own son toward a ruined life, and perhaps toward suicide. No man will allow that. There is not a man alive who will not give his own life for his son.

    We also recommend strongly that you take your son to a child counselor. But if this is not practical, it is of utmost importance that you realize that only you and your ex have the power to help this boy, and that you must not expect almighty God to perform miracles for you if you do not do your best to help yourself, be responsible, and follow all of His commands.

    And be sure to show your boy your love in other ways, too. Hug him frequently. Never raise your voice at him. Always break into a big smile when you see him. Spend time with him, taking an interest in what he likes to do. Help with his homework. Just be as nice as possible.

    You can do it. It is a question of how much you love him. I do wish you, and him, all the best. Once upon a time, many years ago, I was that same boy.


    How can I deal with a teenager questioning her faith? We are Catholic and she has just informed me that she does not believe in God.

    Teens are far more influenced by their peers than by parents. Most teens actively rebel against parental wishes. Whatever parents tell them, they try for just the opposite, to prove how mature and independent they are. So arguments will probably be counter-productive.

    There are two things you can do. Teens are far more apt to believe what they see rather than what they hear from any adult. They are very good at spotting phonies. If you smoke, you cannot tell them not to smoke. If you are divorced, you cannot tell them to remain faithful to one person. You must live the life you want your children to live. That is extremely important. Since you are Catholic, be a really good Catholic. Go to Mass every Sunday. Give as much as possible to charities that feed hungry people. Do not say bad things about anyone. Forgive everyone, and try to make them happy and cheerful. Do not have any enemies. Always smooth things over between people who are fighting. Smile--be a ray of sunshine in all lives. Truly love all people, including those who cut you off in traffic and ďterroristsĒ who get everyone on TV so angry with them. Do not love the things they do, love them because they are Godís children and have an entire lifetime to see the Truth and repent, as we all do.

    Your children will see this. This is a powerful way to convince them of the truth of your religion. Do you believe it enough to actually live it? If you do, they will be impressed.

    Changes will not be overnight. But the road to heaven is a long one, and God will see to it that they will eventually get on it. Do not be anxious for them. It only takes a timeless moment before death, when God makes all clear, for them to accept His grace and be saved. If they have had your good example all their lives, you can be sure that God will welcome them into heaven. He loves them as much as you do.

    And of course, pray for them. Nothing is as powerful as a loving motherís prayers. Trust God.

    Question 9: I haven't done well in high school, and I'll never get into college. But I'm a good worker. Am I going to have any real problem getting a good job?

    Yes. We see so many young people in low paying, dead end jobs that it makes us wonder where their school counselor was hiding. Kids who canít do well in the academic world usually figure that they can decide at any time what career they want, then apply for and get an entry level job in that field, and quickly learn on the job. Thatís the road to minimum wage hell. There are hundreds of applicants for every good job that advertises that no experience is necessary.

    Whether you want to be a mechanic, a chef, a dental assistant, a firefighter, a policeman, a beautician, a veterinary assistant, or any of dozens of other well paying, satisfying jobs, the road to success starts with enrolling in a trade school or junior college that prepares you for your chosen career. Employers looking for people in these fields always want someone with either experience or training. The job of your school counselor should be to determine if you are college material, and if not, to find out what your interests and abilities are and guide you to the right trade school and to make sure you explore all the ways that it can be paid for, with loans, grants, scholarships and part-time work. Don't think you can't afford it, you can.

    But this is the real world, and your counselor will no doubt hand you a class schedule and move on to the next student. So you have to find another adult to be your mentor, or just do it yourself. But make no mistake: everyone needs to acquire valuable job skills with which to earn a living. And no one, and I repeat no one, except your mom cares whether you spend your life in a rewarding career or spend it sleeping under bridges in a cardboard carton. So it is up to you to get the training.

    If nothing else, find out where the nearest junior college is. If your state doesnít have a junior college system, move to California. Go there. Talk to one of their counselors. They will be an enormous help. And donít be put off by the fact that they are called colleges. They are designed for high school dropouts (who are now motivated to succeed) and blue-collar people. You can do it. Everyone can do it. And just one final warning: it wonít happen if you are on drugs or alcohol. If you wonít quit, you have cardboard cartons in your future.

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    Question 10: I still have acne. What's best?

    You can do lots of things, including one that is almost miraculously helpful and not well known.

    But first, try to realize that nobody else sees you like you see yourself. When you look in a mirror, you tend to look critically at everything that's wrong with you. Other people don't do that. They look into your eyes, and they don't stare. They see mostly what's good and attractive about you. Even bad cases of acne just don't mean a whole lot to other people. I know that's hard to believe. Everything else about you that is attractive--maybe a great smile, maybe high intelligence-- all mean more. Acne is not a "make or break" part of being attractive. Be sure your hair and grooming look good. Wear nice clothes. Smile. Genuinely like other people. Go to parties. Flirt. Have a good time.

    That being said, you and I both know you'll be a lot happier if you can clear up your problem skin. So first some general rules, then the great cure.

    1. Diet matters. Just trust us on this. Keep to a very low fat diet, no chocolate or nuts or fried food of any kind. Trim every bit of fat off meats. Stay away from fast food like the plague. Besides lean meat, eat plenty of whole grain fiber foods, fresh vegetables and fruits. Drink non-fat milk. No caffeine at all, and that means not only no regular cola, coffee or tea, but also the medications and foods that hide caffeine in them in an effort to addict you. So read labels. Even though itís a bear to follow, this diet has the added advantage of enormous life-long health benefits other than acne control. After your skin clears up (see below), if you wish, add each kind of food back into your diet for a week to see if you can tolerate it.
    2. Use clean towels and pillowcases, and thoroughly shower every day (very preferably in the morning) with a medicated zinc shampoo like Head and Shoulders. Wash both your hair and face with the shampoo. Daily use is essential. Massage well with fingertips and your hair will also benefit greatly. This has nothing to do with dandruff; the medication in Head and Shoulders works well to keep skin healthy.
    3. Do not use make-up. To cover the zits, use one of the over-the-counter acne medications that are skin colored. Pick a maximum strength brand that matches your skin tones. Donít use it heavily, though. Develop a light touch, just enough to sort of blend in. You can go heavier at night, but before applying, wash up. You can use Head and Shoulders just to wash your face at night, too.
    4. Get lots of sleep, nine hours if you can. Getting less can make your skin break out. Sleep is a great beauty aid.
    5. Don't worry! Stress will destroy your body, starting with your complexion. If you are unhappy, please read our articles on happiness and the meaning of life, on this website.

    And speaking of zinc, that is our miracle medicine. It works for a lot of people; it is certainly worth a try. Buy the 50-mg. tablets at the drugstore. For two weeks, take four tablets with each meal, three times a day. Then for another two weeks, take only three tablets. After another two weeks, reduce to two tablets with each meal. After another two weeks, go to one. Finally, take just two tablets per day, one with each of two meals.

    You should see a remarkable improvement. But be warned! This is a lot of one mineral, and the risks are essentially unknown. You have to be the judge of how badly you want to clear up your skin. But we are guided here by practical experience: many people have followed this successfully.

    One side effect can be a feeling of nausea. The more food you eat with the tablets, the less you will feel nauseous. You may also ask your druggist for a good anti-nausea medicine, and take this along with the zinc. (Note: any zinc that you take, perhaps not this much if you can't tolerate it, will be very helpful!)

    Also, this much zinc has a tendency to use up certain vitamins and minerals in your body quickly. Take a lot of vitamin supplements, especially Vitamin A and iron. By the third week, you should know if it is going to clear up your skin. Good luck.

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  • Question 11: Why does my back hurt after lying in bed (or sitting in a chair)?

    Backaches and Beds, Part 1: Your Muscles

    Tight, weak back muscles cause backaches. There is no "magic pill" to cure you, and ignoring the cause and covering up the pain with drugs is a recipe for disaster. A lot of things in life just aren't easy. Even if a medical doctor (not a chiropractor) has diagnosed you with a spinal problem, strong muscles surrounding the area will alleviate pain and work wonders. The right bed can help considerably, but itís wise to strengthen and stretch your muscles regardless. Weíll tell you about several exercises, but whole books have been written about all the good ones, and a physical therapist should explain them to you if you have pain. (Note: insist on a licensed physical therapist, not a G.P. or a Chiropractor.)

    Streching is of paramount importance. Simple touch-your-toes is good, done to several sides and held. You should be able to place your palms flat on the floor with straight legs. What? You can't? No wonder your back hurts! Other back stretches can be found on-line or in many books.

    And you have to strengthen your back muscles with exercises. The simplest is the leg lift. Lie flat on your back. Slowly lift both legs together six inches off the ground. Hold. Let down slowly. Variation: lift your legs all the way back over your head as far as they can go, then slowly lower them. Do as many sets as you can. Do 3 to 6 times a week, and try to increase the repetitions a little each week. Remember, it takes about 6 weeks to really strengthen muscles.

    Another good exercise is that old favorite, sit-ups. Do them with bent knees and toes hooked under a piece of furniture (with shoes on.)

    Backaches and Beds, Part 2: Your Bed

    Old, worn-out mattresses can cause a lot of grief. Any new, quality mattress is OK. But donít think that the harder it is, the better it will be for your back. Any good mattress you can buy is firm enough for your back; be sure it feels soft enough to make you comfortable. Solid latex (not foam) lasts much longer than innersprings, but is more expensive.

    But if you have a new, comfortable mattress and your back still hurts, and if you are doing your streches and exercises, there are two alternative kinds of beds you should consider: the adjustable bed and the waterbed. Both have adherents that swear by them.

    Adjustable beds are not hospital beds; they have a motor drive that shapes them like a chaise lounge chair. They are very comfortable, and you can eat or watch TV in them nicely. Sleep at night in the flat position, or with the head and foot parts both elevated a bit. Experiment to see what works best for you. Some people put an adjustable bed in their bedroom in addition to their regular bed, and switch to it when their back starts hurting. Then they raise up both the top and bottom parts (raising just the top makes you slide toward the bottom of the bed), until it is just like a laid back lounge chair. This always stops the back ache and allows them to sleep the rest of the night. But we know people who would rather endure pain all night than have a crowded bedroom.

    The second alternative is a waterbed. Many people believe that this is the ultimate answer to good sleep. Get a full flotation bed, fill it very full and firm but still flat, and cover it (this is a must) with a fluffed-up feather bed, a huge bag of down and feathers. Be sure you have a proper heater, and set it to between 85 and 90 degrees. Sleeping on one of these is the closest youíll get to heaven on earth. It takes a day or two to get used to, and donít let the salesman talk you into the reduced motion kind.

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    Question 12: What is best for arthritis?

    If you suffer from arthritis or bursitis, or similar problems in your legs or hips, try taking bicycle rides. Even if your legs hurt too much to walk, most folks can easily bicycle. It works wonders. It takes away the pain and allows free movement again. Itís practically a cure.

    Cycling on real roads is best, because it is so pleasant. But if you canít, resign yourself to riding indoors on a stationary bike. Not as much fun, but still good for arthritis. Either way, take good long rides, forty-five minutes minimum, about three times a week or more. And get a real workout: work up a good sweat.

    It may take twenty minutes or more of easy pedalling to work out most of the soreness each time, so in the beginning you may have to do most of the hard pedal pushing with your good leg. Without a good leg, choose a flat route without big hills.

    If there are two of you, consider buying a tandem bike. Only one of you needs to be able to ride a bike, and you both stay together. My wife and I have been riding our tandem happily for 40 years.

    Of course, bike riding will also improve your overall health. And any kind of injury or chronic condition responds best to exercise, the more the better. This is the central idea of physical therapy.

    Doctors also recommend two food supplements, glucosamine HCl-chondroitin, and oil of primrose. These seem to really work. Take as directed.

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    Question 13: My hair is getting gray, and worse than that, it's thinning. What should I know?

    Guys, if you look like the fellows on the right, just take consolation in the fact that most women don't care even a little bit about how much hair a man has. But there are effective ways to slow down the graying and thinning of hair. You canít stop it, any more than you can stop time, and much of the difference you see from person to person is simply genetic (blame your ancestors.) But you can do things to make your hair look much better.

    The secrets of good-looking hair are nutrition, cleanliness and massage. The most important thing for thinning hair (attention guys!) is massage. The idea is to stimulate blood flow to the scalp, because decreased blood flow means loss of hair. Massage with your fingertips, quite vigorously. There is really no schedule of how often or how long, but it would certainly be impossible to massage too much.

    Scalp cleanliness is also very important. An ideal time to massage is during your morning shower. Shampoo every morning with a zinc-medicated shampoo (Head and Shoulders is perfect, and no, this has nothing to do with dandruff: zinc is good for all kinds of things). This should not only make your hair and facial skin healthier, but should make your hair look good too.

    And finally, for that dreaded gray that makes us look older than we would wish: take a chromium supplement (Chromium Picolinate), one or two 200mg. tablets, every day. Take good multiple vitamin and mineral supplements too, they are great for healthy hair, and toss these in on top of them. For many people, this will not only retard graying but will restore some of the old color. Note: this is a long term project, just as any good diet or exercise program should be. Don't expect quick results. But do expect great results down the road.

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    Question 14: My neck hurts at night. Is it my pillow's fault?

    Many people just canít sleep without two or three pillows. If your neck is ever uncomfortable from sleeping, purchase or make a small round ďneckĒ pillow. The best and most common is a cylinder about 6 inches round and 18 inches long. Used on top of your regular pillow, they fit under and support your neck, while the back of your head just lightly touches the pillow underneath. It must be feather filled (easy to make from old pillows). A springy foam pillow is murder, and will cause a neck ache if you don't already have one. Buy a cheap neck pillow, open part of a seam and take the foam out, and put in feathers from an old worn out pillow (the best kind). Even feather pillows have to be "broken in" before they are most comfortable.

    The third pillow on your bed is called a body pillow, and is for hugging. It keeps you toasty warm, gives your arms a place to be comfy, and gives you a feeling of security. What more could you want? Any old pillow is good for this, but special long ones are sold too.

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